


there might be a life here (a new one as soon as we run)

by undergroundash



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Someone Get These Kids Therapy, an attempt at a fire nation childhood character study that really isn't that deep, gratuitous use of commas and potentially run on sentences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:35:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25393216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undergroundash/pseuds/undergroundash
Summary: Maybe there was a reason why Zuko told Jin he was from the circus.  If he could play at being Lee, a humble refugee tea server, then maybe he could relive another fantasy as well.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 55





	there might be a life here (a new one as soon as we run)

They would run away and form their own circus- with Ty Lee as the acrobat and Mai as the knife thrower and Zuko as the fire juggler and Azula as whatever she wanted to be, but usually the ringmaster because Azula liked to be in charge.

It was a childish fantasy, but a dear one- one that carried them through the long Fire Nation summer days, back when things felt simple. Not quite safe, but certainly less complicated than they would become. Sometimes Ursa would watch them perform, smiling fondly at Zuko’s tiny flames and Ty Lee’s flips, complimenting Mai’s look of concentration with her knives while Azula pouted off to the side, smoldering with jealousy because _of course_ Mother would say nice things to them and not her.

The circus was rebellion in the only way they knew how, an acceptable deviation within the stifling rigidity of their childhoods. Here was the one place Zuko’s flames were better suited than Azula’s, a shimmering red orange that painted pictures meant to awe, not harm. Here Mai could show off her pinpoint accuracy without being chastised for such an unladylike hobby. Here nobody snapped at Ty Lee to just _sit still_ , _for spirit’s sake_.

It wasn’t perfect; games played amongst children never are- especially children who burned as brightly as these. There were days when Zuko would shout or Mai would go silent, when Azula would smirk and sneer and Ty Lee would cry, fat tears spilling from her wide gray eyes. They would patch each other up once tempers cooled, clumsily apologizing and making amends as best they knew how, and somehow only ended up closer for it. There was an understanding amongst them, a solemn and unsaid realization that the people they were closest to could hurt them the most, but because they were friends- “ _best_ friends,” Azula had declared- they shouldn’t.

The following summer saw no audience besides the servants Azula would coerce into sparing them a few minutes. They watched, clapped, and said nothing beyond meek praise before excusing themselves back to work. The harried men and women didn’t dare whisper about the Prince’s hunched shoulders or the near-manic glint in the Princess’s eyes as she shouted commands. They said nothing about the way the other girls flinched if they ever made a mistake, as if anticipating a slap or the sting of harsh words that could follow.

“I don’t envy that child,” murmured one of the maids as they ducked away.

Her companion frowned. “Which one?”

By that time the shine of their fantasy had dulled, squashed under a growing mantle of ambition and duty before fully disappearing into the night like Lady Ursa had so many months ago. Still, they played, only now it felt more like something else- a perversion of their innocent games into something deadly and vicious: miniature toy soldiers that would be going off to war.

And suddenly the day came when Zuko left on a metal ship for the unknown, burned in more ways than one, and Azula tightened her grip and Mai retreated further behind her mask and Ty Lee pushed and pushed and pushed herself to learn every new acrobatic trick she could. It felt wrong to play now that one of their own was gone; Zuko’s absence cut deeply in many ways, despite how much they each tried to hide it. The circus was shattered, a hollow fantasy that never could’ve happened and certainly wouldn’t now.

It was hard for any of them to look back on their dreams of running away with anything but contempt or a deep sense of bitterness. The first and only time Ty Lee brought it up, Azula scoffed and rolled her eyes, said it was just a silly kid’s game and there were far more important things to focus on now. Mai and Ty Lee nodded along like they weren’t all still kids themselves, and from that moment on they were in unspoken agreement to never mention the circus out loud again- it simply hurt too much.

The Fire Nation and its war stole much from the world; the innocence of its own children was not spared.

Somewhere on a groaning metal ship in the middle of the sea, a young boy dreamt feverishly of the stunts he would’ve pulled, fire arcing high above his head in the form of whirling dragons as he tossed luminous orbs between his hands- the rush of flames now only a reminder of the searing pain on his face, the sting of raw flesh, and the never ending ache in his heart.

Somewhere hidden away in a lavish bedroom, a stoic little girl aimed knife after knife at the wall, now motivated by the need for control and a cool hatred (towards what, exactly?) building deep within her, rather than the awe of an imaginary audience.

Somewhere high above the ground a bubbly child with a braid trained and flipped and giggled, and one day when it was all finally too much she ran to the only place that seemed fitting, finally surrounded by a real cheering crowd that called for her to dance and twirl on tenuous ropes that still seemed less dangerous than the existence she’d left behind.

And throughout it all the Fire Lord's favored child remained the ringmaster. Because she had to be in charge.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song Run Away With Me, by Kerrigan and Lowdermilk- a lovely song that honestly has very little to do with the premise of this fic. 
> 
> Also something about the pacing of this bothers me but I couldn't get it out of my head and had to post anyway


End file.
